my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
