I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize