So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
