I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
