Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
