I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
