Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
