I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
