atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
