honey bunches of taint.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
