How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
