i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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