I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
