Soap is not a condiment
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize