Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
