im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
