I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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