I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
