I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
