Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
