there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize