'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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