Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
