oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize