That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
