Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
