Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
