I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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