dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize