I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
