Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
