another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
