Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
