i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my poor anus
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
