just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
