she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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