people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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