it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
