Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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