I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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