He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
