what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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