found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
