i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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