Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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