During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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