You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize