i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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