I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
