I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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