Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
