i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
