I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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