did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
