im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize