I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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