Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
