yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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