party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
