So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
