Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
