bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
