I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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