we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
