Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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