omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
