Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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