One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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