Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
