There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
