no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
