i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize