I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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