Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
