I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
