Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
