Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
