Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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