when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
