Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it glows. i had to have it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
