This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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