I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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