I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
