P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize