thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
