Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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