Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
