Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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