shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
