pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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