Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
