problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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