It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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