I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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