We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
whose parrot is this?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
