never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
