it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
