she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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