Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
