so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
someone owes me an orgasm
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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