That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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