Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
