she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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