I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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