matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize