I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
