He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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