She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
