He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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